A few weeks before that day, I had a minor traffic accident while I was driving after a ‘few’ drinks, and my wife had now gotten very upset with my drinking…
To avoid lengthy arguments, as much as possible I was now drinking in secret. I’d gulp down a glass before she woke up, while she was out shopping, while she was in the shower, while she was in the other room helping our daughter with her homework…
At work, I also needed to drink without being noticed by my boss who had already threatened to fire me three times, so I’d hide a bottle in the trash can under my desk and take a quick swig when nobody was watching…
On this particular day of 1998, we were going to my brother-in-law’s for my nephew’s 4th birthday party. That meant a whole evening of socializing without any chance of drinking in privacy. I knew I wouldn’t be able to go through it sober, and that I’d have to booze up before going there…
Yet, my wife seemed to know what I was up to, and while we were preparing to go, she kept me in her sight. Then, just before we headed out, she went to use the lavatory…and I grabbed the opportunity…
My brother-in-law lived just a 15 minute drive away so we got there ok. I wasn’t ok a few minutes later though, as I threw up without warning in front of all of them…
I still remember clearly the look of disgust on their faces, the horrified look on my nephew’s face, …and my wife…I couldn’t even bring myself to look at her…
Next morning, amid the guilt, humiliation and shame, I realized that my drinking had gotten out of control and that I was on the brink of destroying my life and my marriage. It was at the point that I KNEW I had a problem and had to do something about it…
Yet I did not want to go to AA because I didn’t want to be labelled an alcoholic…I just wanted a way to control my urges, STOP my drinking, and be able to live without alcohol… Read more…
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